I'm trying to get back here to update all the goin's on of the Cleaver household. Just as I was about to catch my breath, and tap a fresh box of wine, I heard a newscaster say, "Only 15 days of shopping left." What the hay-ell, (as my southern friends say)??? Is it already December? Oh jeez louise. (Ok, I said something a little stronger than that, but Santa doesn't visit a potty mouth, now does he....)
So Tracie, I am not in the padded cell......yet. I am however trying to figure out which one of you was responsible for reminding me to put a little away each month, this year, for a Christmas fund. Because whoever it was, dropped the ball. There's zilch in the Christmas fund. So....here's what I need. I need for one of you to buy a house from me. Nothing big. Just about $75,000. And I need for it to be a cash sale, so it can close quick. We don't have time for appraisals and loans and shit to hit the fan, ok? Don't everyone raise their hand at once. I know at least one of you people has to be rich. Right? Oh, and I almost forgot, as a token of my appreciation for you helping me out, and making Wally and Beaver's Christmas, I'm willing to call you my new BFF. Hmm? So, who wants to be June Cleaver's new BFF? You know, sorta like Paris Hilton's New BFF, only I've never made a sex tape. And I weigh a little more than she does. But still, come on "June's BFF" - you know you want that title. You know you do. You can put it on your blog. I'll even make a little button for you. Oh, or even better yet, I can make you a t-shirt that is says it. Hmm?
I can only give you until 5pm - mountain standard time, of course - to respond. After that, I'll have to check myself in to "Nuts-R-Us". Do they really serve wine at the funny farm?