Thursday, December 4, 2008

Scrapbook, crapbook! Who cares?

So, that scrapbook? You know, the one they're making me do? The one that isn't due to be completed until the night of the football banquet - which is was December 15th. Guess what? Go ahead, take a guess. You think I finished it early? Really? You do? You think that? Well, see for yourself - here it is, so far:

Well, shall we take a look inside?


Lovely, isn't it?

Let's look at page two.......


Mmm hmmm. That's right! June hasn't done squat! But don't fear, she has until the 15th to get it done. Of course, that would be the case if this was anyone but June's life! Since this is June's life - guess what? Come on, one more time. Guess what happened to June?

She found out the

banquet is not

December 15th.

It's December 8th!

I find this out on Tuesday night! If you're saying, "Well, June, you still have nearly a week to finish this." - bite me well, technically, yes. Yes I have almost a week. I also have a job, two boys in sports, a husband - who is out of town (again don't get me started on the scorekeeping), shoes to buy, food to cook, etc....... Not to mention my tree is up in my living room with lights - only! No other decorations.

Let's take a look at June's schedule for this week:

MondayWorked all day. Went to Beaver's game. Got home around 7, fixed dinner and did my elliptical for an hour.
TuesdayWorked all day. Went straight to the high school from work to run the concession stand. Watched Wally play. Found out about change in banquet and nearly threw up. Arrive home at 9:30 to fix dinner. (shut up Erin, there is no possible way I can feed my kids at 5 pm - sue me)
WednesdayWorked all day. Tried to figure out how the hell I'm going to get this done and try to locate the photos of Wally from this season. I can't find half of them. Crap! Ward has them at work. (Ward is at home dying with a cold!) He got all bent out of shape when I didn't download them as soon as I took them - or maybe it was weeks after I took them - so he took them to work and downloaded them and then deleted them from the camera. Everyone knows you don't delete pictures from a camera until it says "memory card full"!

Run during my lunch hour to the scrapbooking store. Holy Pete! Do you know how much paraphanalia that have at those places? I had no idea what I was looking for. Picked up a few things and got out of there. I was starting to suffocate. Seriously. And they don't even serve any alcohol there. Those ladies act like they've dipping in the sauce though!

Run by Hellmart for toilet paper. We are completely out. I mean COMPLETELY. And Ward, the chronic poop machine, is home. Sick.... (really how does one man produce that much output in one day?)

Stop by the house to check on Ward. He's barely hanging on, but he thinks he'll make it. He has to leave town that afternoon to be on a promotion board. Find out that he won't be back until Friday - late. I need those photos now! Argh!

Leave work and decide to head home and try and locate other Wally memorabilia until I can get the photos from Ward.

Cell phone rings. It's Ward wanting to know if I'm heading to the house. Get this - he forget his suitcase at the house and he's about 20 miles out of town. Could I possibly get it and meet him on his way back? Suuuuuure. I have nothing else to do. And he is almost dying.

Meet him, drop off suitcase. It's 15 minutes until I have to pick up Beaver from practice. No time to run home. Go and sit for 15 minutes, waiting for Beav and thinking how I could already be digging through the third closet by now for Wally's stuff.

Get home. Start to dig for Wally's stuff. Beaver is hungry. Stop and make him dinner. Pour myself a glass of wine. A big one. You know, to get my creative juices flowing! And settle in at the computer to see how the heck you put one of these scrapbook thingys together. I've got crap spread from end of the computer area to the kitchen. And online help isn't providing much help. Then I hear the garage door opening. Chit!! Wally isn't supposed to be home for another hour. Scoop everything up - because this is supposed to be a surprise, you know! About break my neck running down the hallway - and damn near spilled my wine!

Start looking through photos and getting reminiscent. He's such a cute kid young man! Damn where has time gone. This is just too much. Decide tomorrow will be a better day to do this!

Clean up kitchen from dinner and go to bed.

Coughed.all.night.long. Scratchy, tickle in my throat. Nothing productive. Took a drink. Blew my nose. Sprayed chloraseptic. Still coughed.andcoughed.andcoughed!!!
ThursdayWork all day. Ward went to work yesterday and emailed the photos to me before he left town. Have I told you how much I love that man?

Run to Hellmart at lunch to print photos. I could print them at home, but I'm a tightwad and our printer only has black ink. So....Wait, I could go all "retro" and do a black and white scrapbook. Nah, I would be laughed at by all of the other mothers. Print out photos and notice that Wally's eyes are closed in half of the pictures. Wonderful photographer that I am!

Run back to the scrapbook store to get the border thingys that I need. And see if there is some creative thingymabob that they have that I can use to open Wally's eyes. Clerk will look at me as if I've lost my marbles. Decide I will make copies of the pictures that do have his eyes open and cut them out and paste them over the closed eye photos. So glad I bought the big glue stick! Maybe I am crafty after all.

Leave work at 4:30 to drive an hour to watch Beaver play basketball. Get lost because I have to go by myself and it will be dark and I can't see the street signs. Arrive at game 1/2 an hour late.

Get back into town sometime after 8. Attempt to find a size 10 black shoe for Beaver for the "Snowball" dance this weekend.

Try and find gifts for the company Christmas party, which is tomorrow night.
FridayWork all day. Run at lunch to buy the gifts for the Christmas party that I forgot to buy last night. Look again for shoes for Beaver.

Pick up Beaver from practice. Head home. HE must shower before the party. Whew!

Attend company Christmas party. Don't worry. It's non-alcoholic - so June won't be making photocopies of her bare bum in the copier. K?
SaturdaySaturday - finally! Wake up early and get tiramisu ready for Snowball dinner tonight for Wally. Try and figure out what to do with Beaver and his crew while we're at Wally's dinner. (Freshman aren't invited to the big kids party - and really this isn't fair because my mother made me cart my sister everywhere with me! That's the reason were' so close now! Have I mentioned how much I love Erin?)

Drive an hour to watch Beaver play basketball. Get home in the afternoon and start the chicken cordon bleu.

Argue with Beaver that he will just have to wear the only shoes I could find or go barefoot.

Go over to Wally's dinner and drop off food and husband, if he's survived, so he can cook the steaks.

Get Beaver and take him and all of his little freshman friends to Chili's and drop them off.

Go back to Wally's dinner and take pictures. Go back home and get the tiramisu that I left in the fridge.
SundayGet up and do my elliptical. At this point, after this week, I've pretty much drank my weight in wine!

Go to church. Pray for some time to get this scrapbook done.

Go to decorate the hall for the football banquet. Get all sentimental with the other parents over how fast all of this has gone by. Talk will turn to the "scrapbooks" and how excited they are to give them to their sons. Someone will bust out their scrapbook that they "just happen to have" shoved in their purse. This will start all of the other mothers having to produce theirs as well. For comparison. You know. And then everyone will turn to me. And I'll feel like it's 7th grade again, Sunday night and my science project - that I haven't started - is due in the morning! Oh wait, that was Erin, that didn't do her science project. Not me. Wrong memory! know the feeling I'm talking about. I'll have that one. And that is the time that I will finally lose the rest of my marbles........
MondayBanquet - time to present the masterpiece!

So tell me, just

when the heck do

I have time to do

this thing? Hmmm?


Jane! said...

I think the best idea is to scrapbook in the parking lot of the scrapbook store... with lots of cash. That way you can run in every time you need another piece of paper to replace the one you ruined and they will never know your name.
Just keep your eye on the prize - college for one kid next year. It gets oodles easier.

Jeankfl said...

I agree with Jane.. But, if you've already told them your name, can you just dump the stuff and have THEM make it??lol Sucks to be you, sometimes.. and we all have those days!!

Tracie said...

Can't somebody at the scrapbook store do it? I mean with all that wine drinking & elipitical thingy that you do, I just don't think you have the time.

Kat said...

Honey, just open that new box of wine and let those juices flow with your creativity. It will truly come from the heart that way!

Becca said...

Boy June, you remind me of one of those Wives of Orange!


You are so much more productive than any of those trophy wives any day!

I give you major kudos for what you did get done!

Lucky said...

Don't you have anyone to take pity on you and get it started? If there was more time, I'd tell you to overnight it to me...
I've done several scrapbooks for other people and work really well under deadlines...
Does he have a girlfriend? Pawn it off on her!

Erin said...

I'm not going to give you a hard time because I can tell that you really are stressed out about it. Although you did take few jabs at me to a few laughs...I'll be polite an sypathize with you for now (but for the record guys, I don't remember the science project that she is talking about, heck I never even took science EVER. Oh and she never took me anywhere, NEVER).

I do feel for you. The pressure from others is too much sometimes. You can do this (with wine being the catalyst...oh, oh, wait that sounds like a pretty scientific word, maybe I DID take science??).

I was confused by the blog a little though, did the snowball already happen?? Is Nick still at Chilli's? Did Ward really get a cold or a death sentence? Are you really going to glue eyes on the pictures??????????????????

Paige said...

Your days look like mine!

Good luck getting it done--I am sure you will

Anonymous said...

All of this and you still had time to create a blog spot for me. You go girl. I love ya. Scrap booking , i think I told you before I have all the stuff never use it but I have it???? I will accept your sweet offer to keep me blogging and again thank you so much. Hugs, Pat

Jenn said...

Wow--that is a serious to-do list. I just got stressed out reading that! Good luck!

BBB said...

I have all the faith in the world that you will finish the scrapbook. I don't know HOW you do it, but you always manage to pull off what you really need to do. Don't you hate it when people have faith like that in you? Don't strangle me. Or maybe you should!

Anonymous said...

Ok if the offer is still there and you find time, just take your time, I'm in no hurry, send me passwords, and a brief explanation on how to do just a little I'd appreciate it. Love ya, Pat

Lucky said...

ok, the banquet was last night and I think I can speak for everyone when I ask "Well? What happened to the crapbook?"

Blogger minds NEED to know!!!!

Tracie said...

Umm June, the banquet was TWO days ago. We want proof that A) you finished the scrapbook or B) your in rehab. If you don't respond I will assume you're in a padded room mumbling something about passing the wine!