Friday, November 21, 2008

Tell me I'm not a bad mother.....

So, um, I have to make a scrapbook for Wally. Apparently every mother does one for their son for football. Don't start whipping out your pinking shears and shrieking how much fun this will be. Because I will slap you. Scrapbooking, to me, isn't "fun". I'm not the artsy-fartsy kinda girl. I just don't have it in me. I've seen these scrapbooks. They are well thought-out, well put together, touching tributes to your children. Complete with photos and quippy sayings and uplifting, appropriate comments. I'm not equipped to pick colors and coordinate this thing. I'm tellin' ya. This could get ugly. Even worse, it could turn out ugly and then, as usual, I'll lose that dang Mother of the Year award that I've been striving for - for almost 18 years! It will inevetibly cause a fight between Ward and I. "What do you mean you can't find his 4th grade football photos? What kind of a mother doesn't know where her kids pictures are at?" And once again, I'll be wondering who the hell made it the mother's duty to organize all of her children's keepsakes and why the hell I suck so badly at this.

So, I guess, by now, you're getting the fact that June doesn't like scrapbooking. And so, in true June fashion, I've procrastinated. I work better under pressure anyway. BUT, I opened the dang scrapbook, with the school mascot on it, that the booster club provided for us, and it has - get this - 20 pages! Holy crap. How am I gonna fill 20 pages???? Oh I think I'm gonna throw up.... And this is the point where I need your opinion, am I a bad mother if I take this book apart and take out, oh, I don't know, maybe 15 of the pages? I mean if I have to fill 20 pages, that's going to require me to tear my whole house apart looking for enough Wally memorabilia to fill those pages! I think I found a way to unhinge the thing and put it back together without making it look too mutilated. So what do you think? Hmm? Am I up for the most screwed up mother in the world award?

Friday, November 7, 2008

Water cooler


Wouldn't this make conversations around the water cooler much more interesting? 







new office cooler


Happy Friday everyone!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Excuse me?

I went to the gynecologist today. Yay me! What a fun time that was! I need to remember that the next time I have to choose a new OB/GYN to pick one that I can understand, rather than just looks "cute" in his picture. Shallow, I know. And my shallowness got me a lot of, "Hmm?" , "I'm sorry. What did you just say?" & "Come again?". (Did I mention he was really cute?) Since I was a new patient to him, he had to ask me all kinds of questions and his accent was a little thicker than Ricky Ricardo's - so I had some trouble understanding him. "Do you perform monthly breast exams" came out as "Do jew sheck jew breastses ebery munt?" And then I think he asked me something about hypertension, but I'm not too sure. I just smiled and nodded. (On a really good note, by blood pressure was only 112/72 - the lowest it has ever been!)

Anyway......done for another year. Of course as I was leaving, the nurse told me, "Since you'll be 40 next year (in an irritating sing-song voice), we won't need to order a mammogram until then." OH JOY! Maybe you would like to announce it over the intercom, "The lady walking through the lobby will be 40 next year and then in addition to doing the stirrup hike she also gets to do the booby smash!"

Sometimes it sucks to be a woman.......

Monday, November 3, 2008

Boys are goobers


Little background here, first.  Beaver and his best friend, Rico Suave, are quite possibly two of the biggest goobers, God love 'em.  I don't mean to be cruel.  They are completely lovable, but still they're a couple of goobers. And I can say this because one of them is my son and I love him dearly.  But still....They seriously think they are two of the coolest kids around.  They have no clue.  They are freshman.  Complete freshman.  So Beaver and RS have this friend Jay.  He's all of about 4' 5", maybe 4' 8", but definitely not even five feet tall.  And he's a little round in the middle.  Not fat. Just a little chub.  He has a brother-in-law that plays professional baseball.  This puts him a little ahead of the goobers.  You might say the goobers look up to him.  Because, well you know he does have a brother-in-law that is a pro ball player!


Conversation, in my car, between Beaver and RS. (Me totally trying to act like I'm not listening to them)


RS:  Fool, did you hear about Studmuffin-Jay?

Beaver: No, dude. What?

RS:  Well you know he went to see Cody play in Phoenix.

Beaver: Yeah?

RS:  Well Cody hooked him up with some college chicks.


At this point I almost spit diet coke all over my steering wheel.  I wanted to laugh so bad. 


Beaver: Nuh-uh!  Are you serious, dude?

RS:  Yeah man!  He even said "Ask my mom when she comes back."  And you know, if he was lyin', he never would have said to ask his mom. 

Beaver: No way fool!

RS: Yeah man.  We need to get the hook up.  Next time Jay travels, we need to see about going too.

Beaver: Yeah.


I am dying at this point.  These two "fools" (Their word, not mine. But it fits!) actually believe that some hot college chicks hooked up with their 4' friend.  Seriously!  I don't know what kind of college girls they have over in Arizona, but I'm pretty sure they're not so hard up that they would even consider "hooking up" with a high school freshman.  I may be wrong.  Who knows?  Maybe goobers are the new in thing......