Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Idiots R uS

Dear IRS,


Kiss my ass! Both cheeks! You flippin butthugs.

Up until now, we've had a pretty straight forward relationship. I get paid. You take a portion of my paycheck. At the end of the year, I file my taxes and take a portion back. Has worked fine for me for 31 years. (Holy crap I can't believe I have been paying taxes for that many years. That in itself calls for a glass of wine. Don't you think?)



So what the hell exactly happened this year? How come you took money from me every payday and now I still owe you more money? Hmm? I'll tell you how come! One of you freaking geniuses came up with a child tax credit. A nice little perk of being able to deduct $1,000 for each qualifying child. And you sweetened the deal. You didn't just let us deduct that $1,000 from our income. It came off of the taxes that we owed! Sa-weet! I kind of took it like you at least owed me this. I mean I did procreate and produce two more future taxpayers for you.




What would you suppose a a qualifying child would be? I suppose it would be a child who is still living in your house, attending high school, eating you out of house and home, one that you clothe, and is using your vehicle and your gas and who is not presently employed. Meaning he is not a taxpayer - YET!



But you guys? No you stupid sonafa, excuse me, you schmucks decide they have to be younger than 17! Which one of you melonheads came up with that age? Did your sons & daughters start supporting themselves at 17? Did I miss something? Should I have been helping Wally look for an apartment and a job at 16? So, by 17 he would be on his feet and ready to start paying taxes? Hmmm? I thought by letting him get a high school education, he would be prepared to head off to college and become a productive citizen. He's a pretty smart kid and you guys will get more money out of him if he's educated and has a higher paying job. Or didn't you figure that into your lil' tax credit.



So, I owe you this year. If you want me to pay you, get in line. I'll send you the money just as soon as I pay the increase in my property taxes and the doctors that need my deductible paid (even though I pay an arm and a leg for health insurance). And as soon as I figure out how to pay for the increase in gas prices and groceries, I'll be sure to pay you too.



Yours Truly,



So Not June Cleaver



PS If I should have addressed this letter to congress, if they're the ones that came up with this credit, would you be so kind as to forward this to them? And if it should have gone to congress instead of you, please accept my apologies and take my name off of your audit list! Thankyouverymuch.

13 comments:

Jane! said...

You tell 'em, Junie!
I want to know where Alpha's stimulus payment went? We couldn't get the $500 for her because she was over 17. SHE couldn't get it because we claim her as a dependent. Good grief. That's probably why the whole plan failed, huh?
Anyway, sorry for your loss but glad you found out now instead of like.... April 15th!

Becca said...

I read this to my husband and he just burst out laughing. You rock!

Tracie said...

Yikes, now I'm afraid to get mine done!

I like butthugs, that's so much better than buttmunch that my kids use!

Lucky Wife/Bookaholic said...

Under 17? That has got to be the most stupidest thing I've ever heard! So they are legally still minors, can't go to the store yet and by me a pack of smokes, can't vote, can't get married, can't work unlimited hours (CHILD labor laws) can't join the military... I mean a 17 yr old boy eats 1000.00 dollars more than the rest of the family... Geesh.

FreckledFireLily said...

Last year I paid big bucks to have our taxes done, and the guy told me that we would lose Andrew as a deduction. I freaked! How on earth could they do that? Our
6'3" seventeen year old eats us out of house and home and continues to grow out of his pants at a steady rate. He advised me to have extra taxes taken out of my paycheck - which I did. It hurt to have less money in my checks, especially with my husband being unemployed. However, this year we do get a refund. In years past we had to make payment plans with the IRS. The person we talked to was very helpful and kind. I am sorry that you found out about the loss of deduction so late.

K said...

Crap - I haven't even started my taxes yet.

And I work as a contractor so I always have to pay - this is going to hurt.

Kat said...

What the hell? It's not even April yet! Hope that the Idiots R uS don't blog walk...

Bean Counter said...

Yeah, I have two boys that are not "qualified" dependents as of this year. They are eating me out of house and home. But being the mean parents we are, they have to pay for their own gas and insurance so we do have that going for us. But seriously, I can not see them leaving and supporting themselves anytime soon. They are teenage boys after all.

BBB said...

Yeah June!! You tell 'em! And those tax dollars are being SO well spent. NOOOTTT! I don't know about you, but I am sick and tired of paying for spa vacations and huge bonuses for super rich buttmunches out of MY tax dollars while my friends and I can barely pay our bills. Can you tell you hit a nerve here?

I feel your pain girl!

Jenn said...

Hmmm...I would not know of such things--what with no children, but I would've assumed that if you could still claim him as a dependent, he would count for child tax credit. And that would just mean you were contributing to at least 50% of his living expenses. So, basically, I'm saying that sucks. Lucky me--I still owe so much money and pay so much interest that even though I got screwed on my property taxes, I still can't owe the IRS money.

Shana said...

What a crock.
Sorry.

Shana said...

I left an award for you over at my blog! Hugs!

Pat said...

Couldn't have said it better. Maybe we should send you to Washington? Who thought up taxes anyway? Since I have no dependents execpt for Benji and they won't let me claim him! Whats with that he eats, goes to the vet, gets his fur done??? The goverment gets more of my paycheck than I do and now it looks like I may not even get a paycheck! Sheesh Love ya, Pat