Kiss my ass! Both cheeks! You flippin butthugs.
Up until now, we've had a pretty straight forward relationship. I get paid. You take a portion of my paycheck. At the end of the year, I file my taxes and take a portion back. Has worked fine for me for 31 years. (Holy crap I can't believe I have been paying taxes for that many years. That in itself calls for a glass of wine. Don't you think?)
So what the hell exactly happened this year? How come you took money from me every payday and now I still owe you more money? Hmm? I'll tell you how come! One of you freaking geniuses came up with a child tax credit. A nice little perk of being able to deduct $1,000 for each qualifying child. And you sweetened the deal. You didn't just let us deduct that $1,000 from our income. It came off of the taxes that we owed! Sa-weet! I kind of took it like you at least owed me this. I mean I did procreate and produce two more future taxpayers for you.
What would you suppose a a qualifying child would be? I suppose it would be a child who is still living in your house, attending high school, eating you out of house and home, one that you clothe, and is using your vehicle and your gas and who is not presently employed. Meaning he is not a taxpayer - YET!
But you guys? No you stupid sonafa, excuse me, you schmucks decide they have to be younger than 17! Which one of you melonheads came up with that age? Did your sons & daughters start supporting themselves at 17? Did I miss something? Should I have been helping Wally look for an apartment and a job at 16? So, by 17 he would be on his feet and ready to start paying taxes? Hmmm? I thought by letting him get a high school education, he would be prepared to head off to college and become a productive citizen. He's a pretty smart kid and you guys will get more money out of him if he's educated and has a higher paying job. Or didn't you figure that into your lil' tax credit.
So, I owe you this year. If you want me to pay you, get in line. I'll send you the money just as soon as I pay the increase in my property taxes and the doctors that need my deductible paid (even though I pay an arm and a leg for health insurance). And as soon as I figure out how to pay for the increase in gas prices and groceries, I'll be sure to pay you too.
So Not June Cleaver
PS If I should have addressed this letter to congress, if they're the ones that came up with this credit, would you be so kind as to forward this to them? And if it should have gone to congress instead of you, please accept my apologies and take my name off of your audit list! Thankyouverymuch.