This post was turning out to be one of whiniest in history - even for me. The resident bitch whiner. So, I hit the backspace key and deleted the whole thing! Because I can. Because this blog is MINE. It is probably the only thing in my life that I am in total control of. Everything else? In my life? Absolutely no control over. None. Zip. I don't know when I lost control, or if I ever really had it. I'm sure, at some point, it was at least manageable. Wasn't it? I seem to remember a time when life was manageable.
It isn't even the fact that I want to be in total control. Because I don't. In fact, nothing would make me happier than for someone else to be in control and just tell me how the hell I'm supposed to make this shit work. I would like the responsibility of taking care of EVERYTHING to be someone else's. That would suit me just fine.
No more appointments to make. Appointments to remember to go to. Or remember to take your kids to. No more dealing with stupidity. (Why would you order a blackberry when you can't even manage to change a roll of toilet paper by yourself?) Not having to worry about bills to pay. No more having to plan for dinner in the morning. Do I have canned tomatoes? Did I tell the boys I loved them enough today? Enough to keep them from turning out like some of those other kids have - even though those kids also had parents that loved them? Not having to go online and check your checking account balance. That's someone else's responsibility. Not having to worry if there's enough money for college. No more worrying that it's still 4 days til payday and you've already dipped into your reserves by $300! No trying to figure out how to pay for vacation now, when your bonus isn't until April. No worrying what you will do if you don't get a bonus this year. Not having to wait 5 months to have my hair done, because there's money there to do it. And if there's not? Well someone else will have to go without.
Well, it looks like this has turned out whiney anyway. Tough shit. I'm stressed. I'm tired. I'm done.
Somehow, it will all work out in the end.