Friday, August 6, 2010

No concept of time


I don't know, if you - like me - are married to a man that has no concept of time! (ok that was probably the most horribly structured sentence ever - bite me!) Ward, in his "I'm-retired-I-can-get-things-done" decided "we" would participate in the annual neighborhood, block garage sale.  Even though we A) don't have the time to rummage through our home to find stuff to sell and B) we don't HAVE stuff to sell.  We either throw it out or we donate it.  I don't "keep" shit I don't use.  Ward assured "he" had time.  Ok, fine.  We've had something to do every night this week!  I did manage to find a few things in my kitchen to sell.  Friday was going to be the day that Ward would round everything up and get it ready.  What he was going to round up, I have no idea, that was for him to do.  I left it at that.  When I came home at noon today there were two items on the table the garage, in addition to few I had already put there. Mmm hmmm.  Ok....fine.  Then he decides he's going to sell the big screen he bought at a garage sale, because he doesn't like the picture.  But he doesn't want to drag it from the shop to the garage.  So, he has an ingenious idea to take a picture of it.  He asks if I can print the picture out when I get to work.  I said, "Sure, just email it to me and I'll print it."  No, he wants to take the picture and give me the camera to take back to work, download the picture and print.  No big deal.  Really.  EXCEPT for now he needs the camera. 


Text message at 4:10 pm from Ward, "Would you mind stopping by Carmen's house on the way home and taking a few pics of their entertainment center? It would save me a lot of work"  (they have agreed to put some of their stuff in our garage sale.  helping us to safe face as the only people on the block with 4 items on their table to sell!) 


My text to him: "How are we going to print them out"  (we have a printer.  don't have any ink.  haven't had ink for it in over two years. hey, i forget when I am at hellmart to pick some up.  sue me)


Ward: "We're not. I'm going to display them on the lap top during the garage sale."  (isn't he high tech!)


My test: "Oh ok"  What I'm thinking though?  I could KILL you right now!  If you hadn't been so busy finding those two other items to put in the garage sale - after I told we had nothing to sell - you could have taken the picture of the big screen yourself and emailed it me.  Then you would still have the camera in your possession and could take the photos of the entertainment center yourself.


BUT NO!  Instead, I have to stop by there and take the photos!   OHHHHH, AND I STILL HAVE TO CHANGE INTO WEDDING ATTIRE MR. NOCONCEPTOFTIME!

Next time you might want to listen to your wife when she says you don't have the time, or the energy, or the shit to sell to participate in the garage sale.  And also?  For future reference, it might be a good idea to restock the wine when you drink the last glass.  Your wife would have been so much more pleasant to deal with on the 30 minute drive to the wedding that you are late for, had you left her a glass of wine to drink while she was huffing and puffing to get ready!


So Not June Cleaver!


Tracie said...

Well you're super women aren't you? You can do it all, and still look great whereas he was probably busy scratching his you knows and still looks like a guy, i'm just saying ;)

Becca said...

Oh come on you are supposed to be able to do it all and in heels and pearls too! Suck it up! And oh, here is that glass of wine!

Nadine Hightower said...

Roy drove me nuts pouting about not having a job. When he has a job he bitches that he doesn't have time to do what he wants to!!

Kat said...

Can you FEEL me rolling around on the floor of my office lauging my ASS off right now? Why don't you suggest to Ward that he become a greeter at HellMart, then he'd have access to all sorts of fun gadgets to bring home for next year's garage sale!!! PS - Pass the wine please.

The Lady in Pearls said...

We made it through wedding and the garage sale. And Ward is still alive. I think I need to build up the strength in my arms a little more....that pillow over the face thing isn't working!!! Anyway! Off to take Wally to college this weekend. To his apartment! I'm going to need a bigger box of wine...