Friday, April 23, 2010


Just a little FYI for you on a Friday.....because I care about you people and think you should know.....


When you are worried to death dealing with the prospect of your husband being unemployed, and after you've paid Uncle Sam a butt load of your hard earned money in taxes, when you say, "It can't get any worse than this?"  Be VERY CAREFUL - don't even THINK this out loud.....because, as it turns out, in fact it can GET worse! 


I am the proud owner of a house with polybutylene plumbing!  And I will own this house!  It is damn near impossible to sell a house with PB plumbing in it because the sonofabitch leaks!  Ours has now leaked twice in the last 6 months.  Turns out that PB plumbing starts to fail 10 -15 years after it is installed.  Our house is 11 years old.  Lucky us. 


Guess we could go after the real estate agent that sold it to us!  But that would be yours truly.  OR, we could go after the insurance company - that won't cover the cost of replacing the plumbing.  But, then again, that would be yours truly, too. Yeah, I'm real popular in my house right now.


So, yes, it can, and in fact - if you are June Cleaver - IT WILL get worse!


Now someone pass me some gotdamned wine!


Friday, April 16, 2010

Warning! Roller coaster blog post ahead

Filed your taxes yet?  I did and I'm pissed.  As usual.  I have to admit, it's much more fun to file your taxes when Uncle Sam is sending you some money back.  When he doesn't?  It sucks!  What sucks even more is filing your taxes and then getting an email from the E-filer that your return was rejected! WTH?  Rejected?  You don't want my return?  Fine with me!  Oh, what's this?  Our return doesn't match what the government has on file for the "Making Work Pay" credit. 

Economic Recovery Payments Received does not match the IRS records. If you do not recall if you received the payment, please contact your respective agency below to verify before resubmitting the return claiming the Making Work Pay and Government Retiree Credits.

Seems I, in fact, did not recall that windfall $250 deposit we received from Uncle Sam.  Apparently he wants it back.  Selfish, overspending bastard that he is.  So, I corrected my return to show that yes, my husband did receive $250.  And guess what happened?  Up on the top right, where it says in big red letters - AMOUNT OWED - went up by $250!  Sonofa....  Call me stupid, but how exactly am I supposed to recover from the economy if you are going to send me money to spend (expect me to remember you sent me the money - cuz let's face it, $250 can buy a lot of Franzia!) and then take it back when I already owe you a butt load of money?  Ohhhhhh I get it now.  You give me money, I spend it on wine; thereby stimulating the economy.  You get shifty, take it back.  I spend more money on wine, trying to drown my financial sorrows.  Brilliant plan Uncle Sam! For future reference, do not send me anymore money, if you are just going to take it back!  Clear? 

Whew!  Next.....Ward and I were given tickets to the annual "Taste of Our Town".  Quite the social event for  our little town.  Local vendors set up booths and offer tastings and there's a silent auction.  Oh, oh, oh!  And the best part?  There's wine!  FREE wine. Need I say more?  The theme this year was "Kentucky Derby" and everyone is encouraged to wear Kentucky Derby attire.  I googled it.  Because I had no idea what that attire was.  I pictured having to order a whip and some riding stirrups.  But no, it's just floppy hats and such.  So.....I had a great picture in my head to go all Julia Roberts-Pretty Woman-Polo Match Scene-dress and hat.  I actually got a little excited and thought, "This is gonna be fun!"  I had a little problem finding any hats, or a dress like Julia's.  I also had a little problem that I waited until the day of the event to look for this getup!  Well, in my defense, it wasn't so much that I waited, I didn't have the time until that day.  So, I ended up with a floral print dress and some really cute shoes.   I did finally find a hat at a thrift store.  It didn't match the dress but I figured out an idea.  So, I stopped at the craft store and bought some ribbon, flowers and tulle - because no derby hat is complete without all of this crap!  I realized that I was going to have to go all Marfa Stewart and pull out the dreaded glue gun, but my fingerprints had finally come back, after the last incident, and I figured I was safe.  You just wait til they see this hat!  But....I needed to change the color of the hat to match my dress.  It needed to be black.  That way the pink ribbon and flowers would really stand out! Well, an idea came to me - and as with all of my ideas, I really didn't think it through too well.  Suffice to say, if you are going to spray paint a hat, doing so three hours before the start of the event is not enough time for the fumes to disappear!  Talk about stink!  I don't know if I was high off the fumes, or just drunk off the wine, but my head was killing me!  And no, sadly, I did not look like Julia.  Maybe Rosanna Rosanna Danna, but would you expect any less?

To top this thrilling week off - today Ward had to apply for his position, along with every other applicant.  Now we just begin the wait.....  I've been stuck with whether I should set the record straight or keep my mouth shut.  One of the employees at city hall "supposedly" had a conversation with the mayor as to why he shouldn't keep my husband as chief.    She "allegedly" said Ward had no morals and cheated on me.  AND that I threw him out of the house! There were always rumors as to why Ward and I separated.  On top of my marriage being broken, and trying to deal with that, people were anonymously putting comments on the website of the local newspaper.  I could never respond back and tell them they were wrong, because I didn't know who the people were that were commenting.  It has been eating me up! I want to go up to city hall and go all **Kitty on her, but I don't want to cause a scene that will jeopardize Ward getting the job.  I also wanted to talk to the mayor.  Tell him Ward did not cheat on me.  And I did not throw him out of the house.  Truth is we were fighting all of the time and I wasn't much fun to be married to.  I didn't throw him out. He left because he couldn't take the fighting/arguing and me ignoring him anymore.  But the mayor won't even return my husband's phone calls.  I doubt he would talk to me.  I feel like before they make their decision - whoever is making the decision, there's been so much speculation as to who will pick the chief - he needs to know the truth.  I would hate for them not to keep my husband on as chief because of untrue rumors that were spread by an employee.  I think they have a name for that.  I think it's call slander.  And if you slander my husband and jeopardize his career, don't think I won't sue your ass! 


Ok, you may all unfasten your seatbelt now.  The ride is over.  Please exit to the left and don't forget to pass the wine!




**Kitty Definition

Kitty [kit-tee]


1. Mother to June Cleaver and Motherhen


1. To have no filter 
2. To embarrass one's family,while telling off whomever - for any reason that makes sense to you.  Especially after you've had a couple!

(In her defense, she was, in her own way, just trying to protect the ones she loved - and she let 'em have it if they hurt someone she loved.)